Getting back at the TSA

Many in the security community are continually annoyed with the TSA and air safety, mumbling security theater this and idiots that. Following the undies bomber incident, these mumbling turned into rumblings, and then into a "let's get back at the TSA" joking spree, which I was more than happy to jump ahead of.


via AppleGeeks Lite 561.

And indeed, folks on the funsec mailing list had some fun with it.
phester wrote:

I've considered carrying a bag of dildoes when I fly. I imagine a conversation something like this;

TSA: What's this?!?

Me: A bunch of dildoes.

TSA: Why are you carrying a bunch of dildoes?

Me: It makes me feel safe.

TSA: How does a bunch of dildoes make you feel safe?

Me: I've been asking the same thing since they created the TSA.

This was indeed fun, and we had a good laugh. Erik Harrison replied with the often quoted TSA joke:

TSA: "Nine times out of ten, it's an electric razor but, every once and a while, it's a dildo. Of course, it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinite article. A dildo, never your dildo."

After a bit more fun, I responded seriously:

If it was me, I would say it was my dildo every time. It would be interesting to see their faces, but more importantly, if it's not mine, it might be a terrorist who put it in my bag. Bad idea: an exploded bag, a cavity search and 3 hours to 3 days later...

But more than the TSA not having a sense of humour, this is really about respect, and about understanding that they can take no chances with you not being serious:

It's great to joke about, but not to practice as a joke. As I said earlier, bad idea.

Don't mess with:
1. People trying to do their jobs.
2. People who are on alert for criminals and terrorists.
3. People who have the power to arrest you.
4. People who have guns to do their job.
and:
5. People who are forced to check you completely with the mere mention of a joke, as it might not be a joke.

All-in-all, we had a good time playing with this, but we should all keep in mind that regardless of what we may think of the TSA and others around the world, some jokes are just not worth the price of a cavity search -- or at the very least 10 more minutes in line.

Gadi Evron,
ge@linuxbox.org.

Follow me on twitter! http://twitter.com/gadievron

Air Travel Security: Practical Industry Suggestions From Us

I am just a security guy, as are many others who will read this. Perhaps it is time us "simple" security guys got together and write some recommendations for air travel security? Get our voice out there as an organized professional group, which can in turn lobby for our professional recommendations.

Then we can edit them, vote on them, and submit them to the government for consideration in the upcoming brouhaha of committee discussions.

Here are mine, just to get the ball rolling:

Strategic:
0. Review useless technologies which are there for beyond the security theater purposes (which do matter) and start eliminating bad projects. Your purpose in security theater was to maintain air travel and keep people calm, right?
1. An investment in better intelligence (no brainer)
2. Create a "always strip-search" list rather than just "no fly" list., so that lesser threats can be dealt with responsibly without compromising the usefulness of the no fly one. I am sure they already have one, but they should layer this rather than deal with extremes.
3. Hire better agents (education/ability... better pay). Should be a small increase per person, but it will cost a lot in total. Then again, how much do all the current b/s additions cost?
4. Yours?

Tactical:
1. Copy Israel's air security training manual for agents. Israel's tactics may not be able to scale to the US level, but the training can.
2. Stop panicking and alienating people, so they are calmer and you can more easily identify suspicious people, so that this new training is more effective. Heck, do it anyway. Send TSA agents to some workshop on being nice. Or make shifts shorter.
3. Put "human sniffer" walk-through machines in every airport, for international flights.
4. Buy the better brand of baggage screening && X-ray machines for international flights (remember the liquid issue with checking for explosives in the last scare?)

5. Some people suggested to start profiling and leave PC behind, but I'm not touching that.
6. Yours?

Some of these are very high cost. Some of these are (on scale) very low cost.
Some of these should replace other high-cost idiocies, such as creating two new mega-airports, which is sound security-wise, but will only add an hop to the threat to jump over, with the same silly tests in yet another airport, rather than add a filter. Or full-body scans which will be of limited help, and insult us all.

What are yours? Join the discussion!

Gadi Evron,

ge@linuxbox.org.

Follow me on twitter! http://twitter.com/gadievron